"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are"
- John Pierpont
It's been five months since I made the decision to take a year off from school. Honestly? I'm a totally different person.
One month was spent finishing up my junior year in college, a feat which forced me to focus on making up for the fact that the semester pretty much kicked my ass. It wasn't easy. But then it was over, and almost immediately I felt a sense of relief, like my body was trying to tell me "it's time to take a break from this way of living for a while." And I did.
The next month was spent relaxing. I stayed in my apartment in Pennsylvania for an extra week by myself, choosing to work a few hours at the library and enjoy my own company. I grabbed lunch downtown, I read books for pleasure, I went to the movies, I lounged in bed... aahhh. Vacation. Then I ventured back to Massachusetts to spend three weeks with the family, where I packed, organized, and planned.
I spent the next two months in my favorite place surrounded by my favorite people doing something I love. It doesn't get much better than that. Five hours North of Boston, in the middle of nowhere Maine, lies a summer camp that houses all of my best and most tricky memories. A place that, at the age of sixteen, I had tried to convince myself I didn't need anymore. A place I wrongly thought had been ruined by difficult memories of my last summer there. A place I made my way back to last summer. A place I can't imagine leaving again.
I became a better person this summer. I found close relationships that I didn't expect to find. I shared myself with the most amazing people. I was doing something I loved in a place so beautiful it still takes my breath away. This doesn't mean that it was easy, because it never was. Eighteen hour days, lack of sleep, physically and mentally draining work... it certainly takes its toll. But it was so worth it.
That brings me to this last month. A month of getting back to a "normal" way of living. It's confusing and emotional and you feel like you've been ripped away from a weird cult. Family and friends from home try to understand as you launch into a new story or try to explain a bizarre inside joke, but you have to understand that they'll never understand. And that's OK.
So you try to combine your camp friends and your "normal" life. And that's great for a while. And then you realize that you have to move on. This doesn't mean that you sever all contact with your camp family (because that's just stupid) but it's about moving forward with your life outside of camp. And that's where I am now.
The next nine months of my life are up in the air. Plans are starting to take form, I'm beginning to let myself get excited about being out in the real world, and I am so at peace with things. It's a little alarming, but I'm trying to just go with it.
Seize the peace and the happy when you can, and don't try to overthink it. Because you never know when it will disappear again.
For now, I'm here. Planning an adventure that is long overdue.
