The Only Moment We Were Alone

So tonight I curled up in my comfiest sweats and prepared to watch something. A movie? TV show? YouTube videos of cute babies? Nope, nope, and nope. I know - SHOCKER. Instead I bundled up in my Uggs, my warmest coat, and an embarrassing snow leopard hat. No, not just a leopard print hat, but one that makes me look like a snow leopard:

It happened. No shame.

I quietly crept out of my house with my iPod and a warm blanket and subsequently camped out on my trampoline. I should mention that it was 21 degrees outside. My feet, which under the warmest conditions still freeze like icicles, felt like they were going to fall off. But no biggie. I had the Geminid Meteor Shower to take my mind off of it.

I've always really loved the stars, but not in a constellation-detecting, sciencey sort of way. Because let's be real: I can spot a big dipper just about as well as I can spot celebrities in New York City. (Hint: not well at all). But in my experience there is something so soothing about staring up at the sky, waiting patiently to see something incredible.

It all started at camp up in Maine, where the sky never ends and the stars shine a little bit brighter. I was spoiled as a camper because I could look up on any given night and see the world. It was always there, but I can't say that I really appreciated it until I found myself really needing to see something spectacular. I was sixteen years old and it was the last night of camp. I was a Junior Counselor, which meant that I was responsible for a cabin full of crazy girls who acted just like I did when I was in their shoes. Somehow I ended up outside on this final night with one of my closest camp friends, and as we attempted to process the fact that summer was ending, we looked up in the sky and were faced with shooting star after shooting star. So we settled back, and without speaking we just stared up at the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I was speechless.

It wasn't just that summer was ending, or that I would have to say goodbye to some old and cherished friends. I was coming off of a really difficult summer, one with some of the highest highs and the lowest lows I've ever felt, and I was really in the market for some guidance. I was at a major turning point in my life, and after saying too many goodbyes in such a short period of time I was looking for some grand sign from the universe that everything was going to be ok. It sounds cheesy, but those shooting stars comforted me that night when I was feeling the weight of all that I had lost in such a short period of time. They streaked across the biggest sky I have ever seen, and it was like I was just a speck in the grand scheme of things. Which meant that my problems and my concerns were even tinier specks. I was going to move past it all and rebuild. And I did.

Now, almost six and a half years later, I stare up at the same sky. But it's not the same, not really. And I'm not the same. But I am faced with an all too familiar dilemma: Do I stay still and stare straight ahead, in hopes that a shooting star will cross my field of vision? Or do I explore the sky a bit and let my eyes wander franticly? On one hand I could really miss out if I'm staring at one tiny patch of the sky, but on the other hand I could miss some smaller beauties if my eyes are constantly roaming the scene. With my trusty iPod playing a steady soundtrack of Explosions in the Sky (pretty apt I thought), I went back and forth, not wanting to miss a thing. In the end I let my eyes explore, knowing all too well that I don't respond well to staying in one place for too long. And I saw some amazing meteors all over the giant canvas in front of me.

I didn't realize it at first,  but I needed this tonight. Sure I was freezing and felt like a crazy person all bundled up on my trampoline (and I was convinced that the wild turkey in my neighborhood would come and try to eat me) but as I deal with a jumbled mess of emotions and attempt to make some decisions about my future, it was comforting to see shooting stars streak the sky once more. It may not be the same sky, and I may not be the same person I was when I was sixteen, but I take some comfort in knowing that the stars are always going to be up there. I just have to be patient and determined to find them.

Back In The Kitchen!

So anyone who knows me knows that I love food. Like a lot. Some people don't get this, especially when I tell them that I eat a vegan diet. A lot of people think vegan food is simply salads or rice or bland, plain tofu, but that's not the case for me at all. Actually, my love of food really took off in January 2012 once I revamped my eating habits. 

You see, I've been a vegetarian for six or seven years, and for a year or two before I officially made the switch to vegetarianism I had eliminated all meat and seafood with the exception of chicken. When I was a vegetarian I lived off of cheese: cheesy sandwiches, cheesy pastas, cheesy salads. I used to drink a lot of milk, I made a mean scrambled egg, and I discovered my passion for baking with eggs, milk, and butter. Sure I ate tofu and loved my veggies, but I was stuck in a food rut, and after doing more research about the American dairy industry, I just wasn't comfortable putting milk, eggs, cheese, or butter on my plate anymore. 

Little did I know that my love of cooking and baking would only grow once I eliminated these things from my diet! I'm definitely a foodie now - I have a whole folder of recipes, a slew of food blogs that I follow, a list of must-try restaurants in various cities, and a total obsession with taking pictures of my meals. I know. It's weird. I briefly returned to vegetarianism for two months this past summer, mainly due to circumstances I couldn't control, and I couldn't wait to return home and embrace my tempeh, daiya, almond milk, and kale! 

I try not to be one of those preachy vegans that every meat eater can't stand, and I don't expect a lot of people to understand why I choose to eat some foods and not others. It's a personal choice, and I don't think that I am better than other people because of it. However, I wish more people were more informed about the food that they put into their bodies. The American food industry is fraught with issues and I don't understand people who prefer to close their eyes and cover their ears when they're presented with facts about their food. I'm not trying to convert everyone over to the world of veganism, and I'm certainly not trying to claim that I don't have weaknesses when it comes to food, but I just wish people shared my concern for what we're putting into our bodies. 

So if any of you do share my concern or want to learn more, here are my personal recommendations: 

Film: Forks Over Knives (2011)

Book: Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer (2009)

Cookbook: Chloe's Kitchen by Chloe Coscarelli (2012)

OK I can't limit myself to just one: Appetite for Reduction by Isa Chandra Moskowitz (2010)

So today I put my apron back on! As much as I loved traveling for two months and getting the chance to eat at a bunch of really amazing restaurants, I really missed being able to cook and bake whenever I wanted. Sure I made dead people cookies in New York, Halloween treats in North Carolina, and crispy tofu and mac and "cheese" for Thanksgiving in Mississippi, but I definitely missed scouring the interwebs for new and exciting recipes. 

Lately I've been in a funk, partly due to being a little bit sick and partly due to the readjustment to life here at home. I haven't had much of an appetite and my taste buds are a little off, but I whipped up one of my trusty standbys last night: braised cabbage and seitan (from Appetite for Reduction). After a significant shop at Whole Foods yesterday, our pantry and fridge are stocked up with vegany deliciousness, so today I felt a little bit more inspired. For lunch I reheated some leftovers from last night, cut up some 'cado, and sautéed some kale with a clove of garlic and some olive oil. I threw some salt, pepper, and lemon juice on the kale too. It was really really good. 

For dinner I decided to make Chloe Coscarelli's vegan mac and cheese. Now, mac and cheese has always been my favorite food, and this recipe is the best vegan recipe I've come across. It's creamy and gooey and yummmmmm! I decided to steam some broccoli on the side and added some s+p, olive oil, and lemon juice again. It was the perfect comfort food and helped bring me back to the land of the living! 

These probably helped too: 

Another Chloe recipe, these "chlostess" cupcakes are to die for. I made them when I was living at home in September and my mother and brother gobbled them up. They were such hits, especially for two people who really do prefer to have their baked goods contain dairy and eggs. Baking is probably my first love - cooking came after - and as trendy as they are, cupcakes are my favorite things to bake. The chocolate cupcakes themselves are the best chocolate cupcakes I've ever made or had (vegan or non-vegan) and they don't even contain any "weird" ingredients that omnivores seem to freak out about. Flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, salt, coffee, canola oil, vinegar, and vanilla extract. See! No hidden tofu or soy milk or flax seed eggs here. 

I know it sounds weird but I already feel better now that I've gotten my hands dirty in the kitchen again. I have a lot on my (metaphysical) plate right now and it's all pretty confusing, but making delicious food? Not confusing at all. 

Post-Trip Reflection: "I ain't lost, just wandering"

The quote on the door of Curious Heart Emporium in Nashville

So it's been over a week since I came home from my trip, and you want to know something funny? I'm writing this from Portland, Maine. And next month? I might be in New York. If I've learned anything this fall it's that staying still doesn't really suit me. Now it's just time for me to get creative with my wandering, while making sure that I'm not actually running away from things. That's one of my biggest challenges, but it doesn't feel like much of a character flaw anymore. Because without that side of my personality I wouldn't have made so many of the amazing friends I now have.

In the last two months I have been in 9 states and 1 district, I've passed through 8 other states, and I've visited 6 different Whole Foods in 6 different states.

Stop #1: NEW YORK

Stop #2: PENNSYLVANIA

Stop #3: WASHINGTON, DC

Stop #4: NORTH CAROLINA

Stop #5: GEORGIA

Stop #6: TENNESSEE

Stop #7: MISSISSIPPI

Stop #8: LOUISIANA

Surprise Stop #9: MAINE

It's been a crazy couple of months filled with lots of laughter, heartfelt talks, delicious food, confusing weather, and sore shoulders after treks to the subway, Megabus stops, Greyhound stations, and the airport. I've lounged poolside on a roof in Louisiana, learned how to drive stick on a cul de sac in Mississippi, played Hedbanz in a hotel in Tennessee, sold jewelry to southern Christian women in Georgia, fell in love with Mellow Mushroom vegan pizza in North Carolina, had my first hostel experience in DC, chased Ben Franklin statues in Pennsylvania, and re-experienced an NYU fire drill in New York.

I've seen some incredible sunsets, stayed up all night, slept all day, and driven around in a convertible. I've celebrated my 22^nd birthday, a friend's 22^nd birthday, Halloween, and Thanksgiving, and I've seen temperatures go from 80 degrees to 20 degrees and everything in between. It has been such a meaningful experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything. This trip has helped me figure out what I

want to come next, even if it isn't what others want or expect for me. Part of my motivation this year has been about taking control, grabbing the reigns, and listening to my gut instinct, and so far that has led me to some awesome experiences. So here's to 2012: it started out rocky, and my confusion and anger were taking center stage, but somehow it all came together and I'm so incredibly grateful.

If you need a little inspiration, here's a sampling of some of the tunes that have been getting me thinking:

I still have a bunch of blog entries from Atlanta, Nashville, Jackson, and New Orleans to catch up on, but I felt like giving an update first. For all the days I haven't written about, I'm planning on posting a bunch of pictures and a quick summary of the day's highlights. So be on the lookout! And just because my trip is over that doesn't mean this blog is. I'm planning on updating, however not every day. Because let's be real: my days watching Boy Meets World, cooking, and sending emails really aren't that exciting.